You sound like you're 18 lol. Whining and crying. You didn't do your research and blame the company. It's your fault you didn't see the changes between 2020 and 2021. Bosch and governments are the reason ecus are locked, not toyota or bmw.
That rubber ring is a pain. But once you get it seated and go through a few heat cycles. It eventually "holds it shape". Just make ssure the seal flairs out so it pushes the the seal towards the edge if that makes sense.
Why would you need a back up dme when they're going to function the same. Both would only be able to get a partial unlock. A pre2020 dme isn't going to work on your a MT transmission car.
Wasn't saying it was. But if someone runningstock tires at 700hp that means the person lacks common sense. Which seems to be the issue here. Lack of common sense.